Will You Marry Me

Marriage, so much can be said about the institution today, with a great deal of the pertinent information covered by an ominous veil, leaving all those who dare look deeper with a sense of fear, dismay or even disbelief...or completely the opposite, bubbly carefree seekers of whatever may come with their significant other, regardless of the obstacles or very well documented failure rates...and then there are the middle of the roaders who intellectualize the interaction between man and woman to form something more like a business than a holy union. Where does that leave us? Well that depends on who you are, and what your faith is. I speak from the Christian perspective and no other, I have no faith in another...from this singular perspective I will accurately define just what a marriage is. How can I be so sure? It is not my definition, it's his...God's. There is a very obvious need for knowledge, clearly we do not know what we're doing, our marriages fail constantly, and of the one's that don't end in divorce many are devoid of the union Christ "desires". Who does anything without knowing what they are doing and expects success...only fools and gamblers, we have been both, especially myself...upon whom I will bestow the title of world class fool (with honors) concerning this particular topic. So, what is a marriage? Simply put it is the union of a man and a woman by God, witnessed by man. Yes, there has to be a witness, someone must be aware of your proclamation before God, in actuality the overseeing minister or Reverend fit's this bill. Typically he/she is the one with the most accurate knowledge of what is being requested of the two entering the union and ensures that they both know and understand what they are undertaking, hence...the vows. Of course, the most important elements of this union are God himself, and the couple seeking to become one. God, of course is without reproach and is the perfect element of this equation leaving us with the couple. A man and a woman seeking to become one. Mark 10:8 says "And they two shall be one flesh: so then they are no more two, but one flesh.". This can not be overstated. God is saying to us that when we enter into that union we become one person, ONE person. There is no, my or your any more, only our. This is not something you have to take upon yourself to become, this is his work, his power makes you one person, before Christ you are viewed as one living person from the moment you make that pledge. For this reason he further compounds this union with other scriptures like Ephesians 5:25 which says " Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it",.......and Eph 5:28 "So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.", wow, is this truly what we seek when we seek a wife? It's Christ's command, it's his heart, his loving request. There are also specific commands or requests for the wife such as Ephesians 5:22 which says " Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.", as well as Colossians 3:18 which states "Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." I called all of these scriptures requests or commands, requests because Christ is asking this of us, commands because if we do not obey death will follow, not a physical,carnal one, a death in our spirit, in our heart, our mind but death nonetheless. Many of us when presented with Christ's true desires for us concerning marriage rebel, get in our feelings, refuse on some carnal basis, refuse because of the quality of our significant other, these things only indicate our desire to be united with this person is rooted in us(our flesh), not in Christ. If we are rooted in Christ we will obey, not for our sake, but for his, in loving obedience because of his sacrifice. Trust me, these words sting me as much or more than anyone reading, I've been there and failed, even with a significant amount of knowledge failure is inevitable if you look away from Christ and at anything else....such as, you or your circumstances...anything other than his desire and will towards us. The highest calling is to serve Christ. Marriage isn't second to that, it's one with that calling, for in serving your spouse you serve Christ. Your service to your spouse is the most relevant reflection of your service to Christ that exists. I've always been blown away by the husband or wife that's more devoted to their church assembly than to their spouse, that's a case of misplaced priorities. You never put them before Christ, but you can't leave "you" behind either, remember, he doesn't see a man and a woman anymore, he only sees one person, how foolish would "half" a person arriving at a church assembly appear, this is what Christ sees when we are divided. She is you and you are her. It's literal, not figurative. So marriage is a very definitive thing, it's not blurry or confusing, it has absolute parameters and exact specifications as well as an objective. Happiness is not the objective, service to Christ is the objective, through that service he gives us happiness, otherwise our happiness is relative to our quality of life, not Christ's life and desire for us. So what's this magnificent formula for a real marriage that is right and just before God and will not dry up and wither. It must begin with an individual walk with Christ, a personal relationship between a man or woman and Christ himself. Meaning they know him, know his word and his heart. Absolute obedience doesn't exist, that's why we have grace (and it's sufficient), but we can know and love him genuinely regardless of our lives being in order, our task is not to be perfect, but to be in him perfectly, simply put to know him and love him. A man and a woman of this posture come together and recognize the way Christ expresses himself through the other, they fall in love with that expression, the inward person, not the life of that person, but the life of Christ in them. Exploration of their natural attraction ensues(which must be there) and they decide together whether they are willing to obey God and submit their lives to him in truth and spirit becoming one flesh. Once agreed they go before their fellow man and submit that they are to be married......at which point we have a husband and a wife, united by God, in God, trusting God. Marriage is itself a reflection of the relationship between the body (church) and Christ. Which is why the word constantly refers to the church as the "bride". The righteous marriage will be the one where the wife and the husband truly walk in parallel to the proper relationship between the the church and Christ. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not excluding all of the wonderful accents of a relationship between a man and woman, the flowers , the courting, lovemaking and basic sharing of ones life with another, what I'm suggesting is that a real relationship with Christ is all that and more. This is something that is very close to my heart, but more importantly, Christ's heart. Having been a part of a failed marriage and experiencing the "death" of that "one" person God united has been the single most defining experience in my life. I have educated myself on this because I want to be married again, I want to experience that union and have Christ truly at it's center so that we may serve him together. I believe in it, in him, and more than anything...I know that if we love Christ truly, and allow him to be Lord of our lives, he will become in totality the substance of our marriages and our lives....and Christ does not fail. Amen